Saturday at home

It is one of those spring days where it is sunny enough but still hovering just above zero..so after ballet in the morning, and a short stop at Starbucks, we mainly stay indoors with a short trip to the park to get some fresh air. That doesnt mean we cant pretend its Spring in full bloom inside..







Dylan isnt really bothered if we stay indoors as long as he has his car/plane/bike inside to play with..boys and their toys.



And this is the look he gives me when he gets scolded for ramming his car/plane/bike into a piece of furniture..



How can I stay angry for long?

A kind neighbour offered to have Dylan over for a playdate with her son so I could have some Dylan-less time with Sasha. Well, it was Dylan, her son and her nanny, but who's counting. I thought of taking the opportunity to buy some groceries and run some errands, but decided to get our nails done instead. I only really get pedicures as my nails are beyond redemption. Sasha had full mani-pedi..as usual. I think Sasha really needed some "alone" time as she has been away from her daycare since last week (J is having a break at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica) and Dylan has been in her face every waking minute.



The girly-girl



Comparing nail jobs

Dylan has been missing his Daddy. It is Spring hence D starts his travels. This week Koln. He wakes up screaming for his Daddy and falls asleep asking for his Daddy...but at least he is his usual chipper self in between.

I scream, you scream..

I dont know about other parents of toddlers, but I find I am becoming a screamer. I read somewhere recently that this generation of parents have been termed the Generation of Screamers. I think it has something to do with our inability to deal with the frustration of trying to discipline without resorting to the threat of physical harm. And if you have a couple of stubborn, pig headed, and manipulative kids (and I say this with all my love) with a definite taste for adventure and theatrics, this is a challenge. I remember when I was a kid I used to get pinched..seriously pinched, by my parents if I even looked at them the wrong way..lets not go into throwing food into their faces/onto floor/onto other kids heads. If I broke something in the house..which I did often..although it was wholly the ball's fault..I got smacked. I dont recall them hitting me after that age..well, unless I was seriously and ridiculously bad. I never considered these forms of discipline to be "abuse" but then by the time I was old enough to be aware of this concept of abuse (probably by age 4) I feared my parents enough to know throwing anything was out of the question and if my Dad even looked at me a certain way I would drop/stop anything and everything I was doing..in a split second.I am not saying how they raised me was wrong, or right..it was just the way I was raised and I must say it probably worked for them. Now, as it is my turn to parent, I dont know what to do. I would never hit, smack, or physically touch them in anger..EVER. I find however the only option open to me is screaming....I scream when they run across the street without looking out for cars, I scream when they have massive fights and hit each other, I yell when they intentionally spread jam all over the silk carpets, I yell when they refuse to eat anything 3 days in a row...I just scream when I am so bloody tired and frustrated and I dont have the time to sit and rationalize with them when they are acting like horrible monsters. I was initially ashamed of my being the poster child for this Generation of Screamers..until I heard from my good neighbour that she finds herself screaming too..all the time. And we find that our kids are screaming at each other..but I guess on the upside...they are not hitting each other.

Tuesdays

Tuesdays are hectic for me. I teach from 11.30 to 2.30pm, but I have office hours before that. So mornings consist of getting up (I am most definitely not the Good Morning God! sort of person, more the Good God its Morning! sort), getting coffee, getting Sasha up and dressed, getting Dylan dressed, getting Sasha's angel toast (whole grain bread, Nutella, an angel shaped cookie cutter) and Princess vitamins (Dylan eats these too as he is still not averse to a bit of Sleeping beauty in his diet), and off to daycare. Then a walk around the block and by 9.30 Dylan and I are being driven to the Uni. I still don't have a license here and Doug is still quite happy to drive me to work. Then the work day begins. Granted, it then ends at 2.30pm when Doug hands Dylan off to me and I take him home by bus/subway. By the time I get home I feel like I am ready for the weekend..or rather the week.

We were in Winnipeg for the weekend. Mainly to give a presentation but mostly to hang out with the family. When I fly back to the Peg I tend to take along an extra piece of luggage as inevitably we will be taking home a pile of toys that Grampa has bought in anticipation of their visit. So on this visit the kids scored a frontloader, some random plastic animals, some sort of dollhouse that has to be built from blocks and books galore. They love visiting Grampa.

I have a couple of classes to go then we spend a week in Montreal for a conference. Then Dylan takes Sasha's place in daycare and she and I will spend some quality time over the Spring/Summer until she starts school in September. I am rather looking forward to relatively more freedom to move about with only one toddler in hand (sushi lunches, pedicures, shopping..). I am not looking forward to getting Dylan adjusted to daycare. Not looking forward to it at all..

Sasha has officially been accepted to her pre-kindergarten. So now we have been asked to make initial payment to secure her position.. my six weeks of work teaching MBA students will now pay for 2.5 months of her kindergarten. When they said having kids was expensive, they mean it. My only hope is that she will appreciate the sacrifices I have made for her education...I am of course talking about the LV tote I was eyeing..sigh.

The con

I have always believed that having a job while taking care of my young family would complete me. Having been a stay at home mum since Sasha was born made me question the choices I had made..whether I should have done the right thing and gone back to Malaysia and marry nice malay man, have kids, get maid, keep high-powered job and all will be well in life. I then figured as that scenario was pretty much impossible to achieve without first learning how to create a time machine, getting a job would make it all right. Having started a contractual teaching position a few weeks ago has made me realize that a job alone doesnt fulfill me and that it is DAMN hard juggling kids, home and work..as work is never over both at work and home. I used to think that working Dads never appreciated us stay at home mums..I am now of the opinion that us stay at home mums never fully appreciate how difficult it is to juggle the responsibilites and the guilt..oh, the guilt. I now know that when I offer to look after S's best friend at day care when J has an emergency day off (best bud's parents work) why her Mum is sooooo greatful..and I usually do it for selfish reasons so as I dont have to play Princess all day. When you have so much on your plate and one little cock-up happens it pretty much buggers your day. Yup, I am pretty darned sure that I will only work for the money and not to have my self defined. But for the money I would much rather just stay at home and play Mum...no work to cock-up my day.

I head of to the Prairies tomorrow for 3 days to give a seminar on latest working paper. D's family live there. The beauty of mat salleh families is that it is allright that I will be staying at a hotel 10 minutes away from my Father in law's house and it is OK that I may, if I have time, have breakfast with him before I head out to the airport to catch a flight...he offered the breakfast suggestion as he didnt want to disturb my schedule and if I dont like the hotel he will have a room ready. Gotta love my in-laws.

Preparations

I have been busy preparing for my next class on Tuesday. I find that I am starting to get into the groove of shooting the breeze (listening to case studies) for the first hour and just going over past seminar presentations over the next 2 hours. Unlike me, these students actually get upset if their breaks are too long and they actually do want you to teach up to the very last minute. Because the technology is so very different than when I was a student (man, was it that long ago), it takes about 10 minutes for me to switch on computer, stick in USB, switch on control panel (to control use of DVD, 3D projector (unlike the prehistoric overheads, you don't need the plastic sheets but you can even project 3 dimensional items), and sound system)and switch on dual screens (so I can project 2 different slide shows if I want)..yes, I actually had to attend an orientation programme to learn all this. They have this in EVERY classroom..no wonder North American Uni's need multi-billion dollar endowments. I have to send the students the slides at least 24 hours before the class as they all just have their laptops during class..although I am sure they are Facebooking. I would have been.

We were stuck at home this afternoon waiting for someone to pick up a baby carrier that I put up for sale on Craigslist. Bought the Pikkolo soft carrier for Dylan for $200 a while back and he has outgrown it...put it up for sale for $100 and got an offer for $80. It has gone off to a good home. Now wondering whether I should blow some of it on a sushi takeout dinner..

First day of school..

I am typing this in front of 40 odd students as I invigilate a midterm exam. Kind of funny actually thinking about the many years I was in their position…in those seats..thinking about how I would kill myself if I messed up…..pills, too messy…jumping of bridge..would it hurt? And now I sit here and think how much less could I care about their potential results…not much.

This is actually D’s class I am invigilating. We had planned to meet up after my class, he would hand Dylan over, then I would take Dylan home as he had his class. Unfortunately, Sasha had a barf fest last night so immediate change of plans. Dylan would take Sasha’s place at daycare and Doug would stay home with her…so I have been in this classroom for the past 5 hours…my 3 hour class and D’s immediately after. I was wondering this morning how couples who both work deal with these sort of emergencies. Who takes the day off? I suppose we should count ourselves extremely lucky that our life affords us the luxury of being able to deal with this rather painlessly..if not the luxury of anything overly luxurious.

I need to pee but I cant leave the room unattended…I am told that they WILL cheat.

My first class ever went rather well. Was able to fill my 3 hours with on overview of the syllabus, introductions in class and the first lecture on LP contracts and fundraising. Now to figure out how to fill up the next 3 hours next week.

I seriously need to pee..another 39 minutes to go…

As I mentioned earlier, the Unit spent a week in Club Med Ixtapa, Mexico. To be honest, the idea of Club Med-ding (apparently it is such an experience that it is a verb) never once entered my mind because when I think of spending money on a holiday, it has to be one that enriches the mind and soul. I think more along the lines of cruises on the Panama Canal and doing Machu Pichu. But those trips need advance planning and it is usually me that does it..from determining dates, flight times, hotels etc. I figured I would tough out the winter as it was soon to be March. However, with March/Spring break in the horizon, everyone I met kept telling me about their holiday plans..usually the Bahamas (3 hours away), Mexico or Dominican Republic. Sasha’s best bud went off to Punta Cana, DR a week after the earthquake in the neighbouring country. So I started thinking whether one of these all-inclusive holidays would be an experience in itself. At the same time, D was stressed about something or rather so he wanted to go away for a change. Add an excited travel agent to the mix and Club Med it was. Only 5 hours away, all inclusive with open bar, and most importantly, supervised activities for the kiddies. We were sold and paid the bill.

When we arrived we were thrilled with feeling the sun on our skins, yet apprehensive about the sheer size of the resort. But pretty soon, as Sasha and Dylan settled in their activities and we were able to just relaxon the beach with Mojitos..we were converted. The fact that everything had been prepaid made it easier as we had no worries about tipping, paying for extra snacks etc. Also, there really was nothing to do in Ixtapa..after taking the kids to swim with the dolphins and the obligatory lobster lunch and snorkeling, there was nothing to attract us outside the club. The week flew by quite fast and well, here we are back in T.

Oh thank God..th exam is over and I can now go and pee.

New beginning

I realize that I have been neglecting my site. I never really meant to abandon it, as I do enjoy keeping a journal. I have however been busy keeping up with one senior toddler and another demented toddler. I used to tell friends that what I liked most about having a girl and then a boy was the potential experiences raising the two diffeent sexes. What I tell total strangers now is that had I had Dylan first, he would have been an only child. He is a wonderous child but my God he is reckless. I have had Doug do a practice run to the nearest emergency room as he has had his fair share of tumbles and I suspect many more to come.

I have also been preparing to start teaching an MBA course. Prep work is no fun. It is only a half course but it is my first ever. Rather apprehensive. Because we dont have a nanny, and as D teaches right after me tomorrow, he will stay at home while I teach, take Dylan to the Uni, and we will do the Dylan handoff after my class.

We just came back from som R&R in Ixtapa, Mexico. It was after a rather dreary and cold Wednesday a few weeks back that D and I decided we needed to get away from the cold and more importantly the kids' snow suits. We called Karen our trusty travel agent and told her to send us somewhere. She immediately shouted Club Meddddd!! We loved it!! As it is not a cultural hub, we had no choice but to laze by the beach and relax. I find that when I take holidays I am always torn between taking in culture orrelaxing. I invariable choose the waking uo at 7 to take random bus to see temple/castle/Unesco world heritage site, and need a holiday after my holiday. Not this time. We had quality family time. And it was there I realized I had to make time to blog...I need to do things for me..there will always be other more important things to do..but they may not necessarily be better.



Sunset in Ixtapa, Mexico. 26 Feb 2010.