I am changing pediatricians. I have been lucky enough to find one which is 2 blocks away and accepting new patients. When I called Sash's current pediatrician to request that her records be transferred, I was asked why we wanted the change. I just told them that we felt we needed someone who better understood our situation. I didn't feel like telling the receptionist that her boss just got on my nerves. It all stemmed from my query about Sash's lack of appetite. She really does not eat at home. Apparently, she eats her lunch at daycare, I suppose because she mimics everyone else. At home though we are lucky if we get 2 chicken nuggets and some pasta in her. When I say some, I mean we count by strands. 10 strands of spaghetti is good, 5 is normal. If we are very lucky, she will eat a couple of slices of cucumber. And this is for the whole day. She survives on milk. Her eating habits have been driving me up the wall for a while. Sometimes, on a good day I just resign myself to the fact that at least she eats well 3 lunches a week at daycare and milk is considered a solid, and all is well, for me. On bad days I get upset and force her to eat her 1 chicken nugget under threats of my leaving the room or no TV. On seriously bad days I shout at her while she cries. The level of shouting and tantrums thrown by myself and Sash are usually dependant on the amount of sleep we both have. Sash has been getting up either at midnight or 3am, or 3am and 6am asking for milk. She is hungry but refuses to eat, so milk sustains her at night. Sash I think is like me...I do not handle lack of sleep very well. Usually, when D is around he takes on either the 3am or 6am milk run, sometimes both. He can also sense when I am just about to lose it and takes over coaxing Sash to eat, or just whisks her away so I can cool down. So it is very hard when D is away, as he is now. Therefore, when the pediatrician suggested that I try to be more imaginative with Sash's menu I just absolutely LOST IT. Does he have any idea how many toddler recipe books I have? The bags and bags of frozen pureed vegetables and fruits I have in the freezer as a result of trying out the "hiding veggies in food" technique? The many many times I spend half an hour preparing a special tasty dish that Sash just rejects in a 1 second mouthful? Does he have any idea how painful it is knowing that your child has only had half a tub of yogurt and half a fish stick the whole day? That she is the bottom 2 percentile weight wise? Does he have to throw food into the compost bin day in day out? Well, I already have enough issues dealing with Sash's baby-rexia to have someone who knows me or my life from Adam suggesting that I am not doing enough. So I ditched him and I have found another one who reassures me that this is just a stage and suggests that I put vitamin supplements in her milk. Sash is thin, but she is healthy and she is active, and that is all that matters. I realise that the old pediatrician was making a valid suggestion, but I feel I need someone to reassure me that all is fine as that way I will maybe lose it less often. I actually feel awful while I am shouting at her, and I know that I am taking out my frustrations as a result of pure fatigue out on this innocent kid, but even as I am feeling the guilt, I cannot stop myself. It just takes a second to trigger off the need to vent. I would never ever hit her of course, but I see the fear in her eyes when I start shouting and that makes me stop. But of course the damage is done. Luckily she has D to turn to for comfort. I have warned D that we need to get her to stop waking up for her milk or else I don't even want to think how I will react to lack of sleep what with meeting the demands of the new baby and Sash. (I was a zombie the first 6 months of Sash's life, and I even remember a few nights when she would wake me up crying yet again and I would think "God I hate this motherhood thing...") I need to ask the new pediatrician how we are going to do this. Friends have asked me how I have come to the decision to only have 2 children? This is because I know myself, and I am mentally and emotionally capable of caring for 2 children at the maximum as I do not have the required patience or temprement to handle more than that. I think if the second one is as fussy an eater as Sash, I will seriously consider medication...for me.