I have always believed that having a job while taking care of my young family would complete me. Having been a stay at home mum since Sasha was born made me question the choices I had made..whether I should have done the right thing and gone back to Malaysia and marry nice malay man, have kids, get maid, keep high-powered job and all will be well in life. I then figured as that scenario was pretty much impossible to achieve without first learning how to create a time machine, getting a job would make it all right. Having started a contractual teaching position a few weeks ago has made me realize that a job alone doesnt fulfill me and that it is DAMN hard juggling kids, home and work..as work is never over both at work and home. I used to think that working Dads never appreciated us stay at home mums..I am now of the opinion that us stay at home mums never fully appreciate how difficult it is to juggle the responsibilites and the guilt..oh, the guilt. I now know that when I offer to look after S's best friend at day care when J has an emergency day off (best bud's parents work) why her Mum is sooooo greatful..and I usually do it for selfish reasons so as I dont have to play Princess all day. When you have so much on your plate and one little cock-up happens it pretty much buggers your day. Yup, I am pretty darned sure that I will only work for the money and not to have my self defined. But for the money I would much rather just stay at home and play Mum...no work to cock-up my day.
I head of to the Prairies tomorrow for 3 days to give a seminar on latest working paper. D's family live there. The beauty of mat salleh families is that it is allright that I will be staying at a hotel 10 minutes away from my Father in law's house and it is OK that I may, if I have time, have breakfast with him before I head out to the airport to catch a flight...he offered the breakfast suggestion as he didnt want to disturb my schedule and if I dont like the hotel he will have a room ready. Gotta love my in-laws.
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Do you ever wonder where you are, why you are, what you should be doing, and why there is absolutely no mention of dinosaurs in any of the testaments?
2 comments:
matsalleh inlaws are generally less demanding kan! and yes, the work/stay home/work from home conundrum always play in my mind too - some days i am full of awe of worknig mums who can play the juggling act, some days i consider myself crazy lucky .. bravo to you for having a full life..whatever your choices are!
I reassure you, working mum + juggling + guilt sounds like my daily life. I also would rather be at home and play mum....but how do you justify that to a Dutch husband when you only have one kid (who is at school 5 days per week?).
(the story of my life)
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